You’ve worked hard. You know your job. But lately, something’s off. Your boss is curt, overly critical, or seems to be micromanaging everything you do. You start to second-guess yourself. You dread meetings. And you wonder, what changed? Why does it feel like they’ve got it in for you?
A strained relationship with a manager can make even the best job feel unbearable. And it’s not always clear what’s behind the tension. Here are some common scenarios:
1. The new boss syndrome: You had a good rhythm at work, then someone new came in. Their style is different. Maybe more direct, more controlling, or more hands-off. It doesn’t feel like a personal attack, but you can’t seem to find common ground. Sometimes, it’s just a mismatch of working styles.
2. You challenged them: Perhaps you raised an ethical concern or gave feedback they didn’t welcome. Some managers don’t take well to being questioned and may respond defensively, by distancing themselves, excluding you from decisions, or becoming overly critical.
3. You were a contender for their role: If you applied for the promotion they received, or were seen as a peer before they became your boss, things can get awkward. They might feel threatened or uncertain about how to lead someone who once felt like a competitor.
4. They’re under pressure themselves: Sometimes it’s not about you at all. They may be dealing with stress, unrealistic expectations, or organisational change, and you’re catching the fallout.
Whatever the cause, it’s important to protect your own wellbeing and act constructively.
Start by documenting examples of behaviour that concern you: dates, situations, outcomes. This isn’t about creating conflict but having a clear record if you ever need support from HR.
Where possible, have a one-to-one conversation. Choose a calm moment, and use “I” language: “I’ve noticed that I’m not always clear on your expectations, could we talk through how I can meet them better?” This approach can open a dialogue, rather than create defensiveness.
If that’s not possible, seek advice. HR, a mentor, or a trusted colleague may offer perspective or support. Sometimes, a transfer to another team is the most straightforward solution.
And in some cases, the relationship may be beyond repair. If it’s affecting your health or confidence, it may be time to consider other options. You deserve to work in an environment where you feel respected and safe.
Work dynamics can be complex. And when a manager-employee relationship turns sour, it’s rarely resolved overnight. But with awareness, boundaries, and support, you can find a way forward, or a way out that honours your wellbeing.
